Since COVID, we had been homeschooling our son. We noticed early on that he thrived much better in a one-on-one setting than in a traditional classroom. But this year, he told us he wanted to go back to public school.
We were terrified. Transitioning from homeschooling back into public school—especially while entering middle school—felt like a massive leap. We worried constantly about potential bullying, sensory overload, or him getting unhappy and having meltdowns in a big environment. On top of that, facing our first IEP meeting felt overwhelming.
When we sat down in the room, it felt like entering a conversation that had started before we arrived. Everyone on the school team was kind, but the acronyms came quickly and the pages kept turning. We were trying to listen, understand, and make critical decisions all at once.
Looking back, here is what we learned from the experience, along with a few things we wish we had known from day one:
1. Bring Your BCBA (or Outside Support)
If your child works with a Board Certified Behavior Analyst, bring them with you. You will have to fill out a permission form from the school, but the process is straightforward. Having our BCBA in the room gave us a professional advocate who could translate school terminology and speak directly to our son's specific needs.
2. Talk to Each Other First & Play to Your Strengths
My wife and I have very different communication styles—she is more vocal, while I tend to be quieter. We realized we needed both perspectives in the room, but the key was making sure we talked to each other beforehand so we were completely aligned.
Preparation didn't mean predicting every question. It meant agreeing on the two or three non-negotiables: where the school day was becoming hardest, what support had worked at home, and what skills we wanted our son to build with confidence.
3. Ask concrete questions to slow down the room
One single sentence changed the entire pace of our meeting: “Can you show us what that would look like during an ordinary school day?”
Asking this turned vague, general promises into a concrete plan. Suddenly, we could visualize who would be helping him, when it would happen, and how everyone would track whether it was actually working.
4. Pay Close Attention to How Paperwork and Electronic Signatures Work
Asking for time is not the same as being difficult. It is completely okay to pause, request plain language, ask for copies, or return to a section before agreeing.
Be cautious with electronic paperwork. When the IEP document arrived in our email to sign, I assumed both parents needed to sign before it was finalized. As soon as I signed, the system marked the entire document approved and finalized. Because of that, we had to wait until the next meeting to address a few items my wife didn't agree with or wanted clarification on. Take your time before hitting submit.
You Are Not Alone
The IEP team members from the school side were really nice, but at the end of the day, only you know your child best. Do not hesitate to ask questions, pause the room, and make sure you understand every single point.
The paperwork matters, but your child matters more. Our role as parents is simply to keep bringing the conversation back to the person behind the pages.